Shifting days. don't even remember the last time we talked.

cannot even imagine these souls.

keepingtrackofit.

watching the game tonight.

dropping a few LB's

I don't know man, I think i'm going crazy...





Or maybe I already am.

definition: fawning

In the middle of the day.

most, they have their secrets.

well this is no secret.
i just wish you were here, because then you could remind me about what i was talking about.

happy to know you.

I am so ready for this. My life is finally starting... THANK GOODNESS.

I can be EVIL

I am feeling super nostalgic reading my old entries, man life changes so fast, every day something new and unexpected happens and I feel like I just can't catch up. Don't get me wrong, I love that about the world, I love seeing new things happen and seeing some things fade away but I just wish for one day or moment that it would stop just so i could feel a little more sane. The summer is gone and Autumn is here and this makes me happy, I can finally breathe again, the cold crisp air is like fresh oxygen to my lungs and the leaves falling from the trees is like therapy to me. My favorite season of all has finally come again and I know it will go by so fast because like i said new things happen all the time and this season will be gone in an instant, then winter will be back and soon spring. Like I said, I just wish things would sit still for a moment.

You are fading into the lights, the background music and I don't really care at all. When I see that you are calling I usually let it ring because I am ready for us to be over. You were just something that I needed for awhile, but now you are used up and my patience is gone. I will not apologize for that because you knew that that was all this was, a time where we both needed a good fuck and a smoking buddy, someone to get drunk with and to laugh with about our fucking screwed up lives. We each needed each other but only for a moment, just long enough for things to get back to normal. I can't say that I will miss you because well I won't, I realize that I am a selfish bitch most of the time, but only when I don't care enough to keep a relationship going, and well you dear, I do not need anymore.

I am sure you will hate me for this but maybe in some small way it will help you grow and not to be so naive, please get some balls already.

cemetery

Last night was insane, I got lost in the middle of nowhere and was driving for 3 hours on country roads until I finally found a place to ask for directions. thankfully I was with my best friend, otherwise I would have dieddd. but all in all it was a gr8 memory, scary but gr8 :))

i love you brody <333

heights

you know me more than i know myself sometimes, it's a crazy world and this just makes it a little more insane. you're kisses are the best and I am so lucky they are all for me.

This is what I get for falling in love so young.

embrace

You drive me crazy, but somehow i cannot get enough of you. I'm not sure how you got a hold on me but it's a tight grip my dear. I can feel you everywhere, the walls, the floors, the rooms, the chairs, it is almost as though you haunt me and I cannot escape it. The truth is, I'm not sure i want to. I will not forget these moments because they are close to my heart and are pure like snow, the whitest snow you have ever laid your eyes upon.

spilled glass

i am happy to say that you are a constant in my life, I cannot tell you how badly i needed this. FUCK IT, i love you honestly more than i ever thought i could love a person. The way your hair falls over your eyes, the way your entire body is shaking when you laugh, that one crooked tooth, the mole on your back, your warm hands, the way i can feel your breathe on my neck as you kiss me, You are honestly the closest thing I have ever had to happiness.

Do not ever change, i beg you.

shitty vodka

this week was good, I already miss my friends! i hope the rest of the summer will be okay, it has just been scorching hot outside and it's hard to do activities outside except swimming of course! I'm used to the heat now tho, I guess it's getting me prepared for my big texas move.

So we talk less & less these days, I truly miss you, but i understand that things are different.

Today was amazing <33333333333333 I'm so happy i have you in my life.

back again && smiling.

wow all of my recent rants are pretty angry sounding. I think i need to try and forget about it all, because the only problem in my life right now is "you".

The beach was warm today, ahh the feeling of summer and all its glory. I could not have loved it more, or you for that matter.

"Now that a few unworthy people who were sucking up all my free time are basically out of it. I will try My best to get you back into it!"

WHAT bullshit is this. you are almost a fucking adult, don't blame other people for your choices you dumb shit. You chose that road, you chose those friends and those things that you did, so don't blame anybody else for your stupid childish mistakes.

GROW the fuck upp.

my bones are turning into dust

you need me too much, it's wearing me out. The late calls and the early visits, look i am tired and worn out, I do care and I will help you out as much as i can but I'm not your savior. We all hurt and feel like we are trapped sometimes but the truth is the trap is only as big as you make it to be. Having a backbone isn't a gift it's a skill and you have all the power in the world to gain it, you just have to remember that. I will love you forever but that does not make me your mother.

stupid

July 4th is kicking my ass today. shit.

long are those days gone

it's an early morning for me today, which is sad because i'm in major need of a long dead sleep. I feel sort of worn out from yesterday, too much has happened too fast. I wish i could talk to you the way I used to but I am pretty sure those days are gone, long long gone. But I will not forget.

one day you will see

hahhaa. fuck you.
you are going to regret this, i just hope i'm there to see it.

wasted time.

i want to cry so badly right now. how can you just ignore me, even after all the shit we've been through? Just because you have a girlfriend and there are all new people in your life, wow way to be a best friend. You really are a cold bitch.

Hey you said it. O wait, I guess I did.

I think you've forgotten, maybe not intentionally but still. I guess moving 2,000 miles away won't matter so much anymore. Wow, I never thought i would say that.

just the middle

i'm getting closer to the end, the part where you break through the last wall but i'm not sure i want to find out what's behind it all. forgive me for being such a sh**t all the time. I am trying to wise up for you, please try and be patient with me because i can assure you i'm am getting closer to being the best.

You saved me.

when you kiss me i want to cry, not because i'm sad but because i'm afraid it will be the last.

it's so close to being summer, literally days away. I cannot tell you how that makes me feel, this summer is going to be great, i mean beyond great.

js

things are getting stranger. I need a fresh start, and soon.

rolling stones and vodka.

My birthday came and went.
i love my friends.

broken aprils.

things are changing, slowly but steady.
i feel sick to my stomach over this, if only you knew.
I have so much love for you that my heart sometimes feels overused.

please don't forget.

That day, kind of unforgettable.

broken amps

why did you have to become this way? you've changed entirely, all everything is to you now is smoking weed and getting drunk every day of your life. you left me behind for a few new friends, who will throw you away. maybe not right now, but eventually. I'm not sure I'll still be there when that happens.
I just hope it was worth it. but then again, knowing you, it probably is.

Edit: it happened, they forgot all about you just like i knew they would, I'm still here though, which i guess makes me a good friend or maybe I just care about you too much. I still remember all of our conversations about those plans and those things we promised to each other, I just wish you did too.

hanging on for dear life over here. shit man. i misssssssss the shit out of you.

I want more than anything to know that after this is all done and said that you will be okay without me there

numb.

I have tried, I have tried so hard to be there for you, but in the end it's just not worth it. You are so selfish and so mean that I don't want to associate myself with you. If you would be there for me the way that you are for her maybe this would be different. I'm tired of blaming myself for this failed friendship, I can't do it anymore, I just CANNOT.

breathe while your still alive.

i still feel you everywhere.

cashier bounced.

i drove 2 hours stoned. it was the best fucking drive of my life.

Newyears

i feel so fucked up.
beer pong on new years was fun, and smoking weed out of justine's new piece. good shit. I've honestly never been so attracted to a girl before.